Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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