All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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