i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
