Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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