You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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