Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Fuck appropriateness.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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