Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
