If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
