We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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