maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
