lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
