Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
