Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
