alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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