I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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