I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
