Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize