On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
