the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
