no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
