fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
stop calling my apartment porn island.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
