I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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