I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
