We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
