Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
