HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my being single is dangerous.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize