and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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