so explain again why im purple
no
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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