in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
