he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
