TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
