sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He passed out mid-signature
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
