dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
