All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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