Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
