dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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