You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
