I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
