he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize