hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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