dude i'm inner monologue high
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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