if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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