no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
