hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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