tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
