he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
