his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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