I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
