marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
