Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
