She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He better not be in your backpack
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
