apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I forget how to act sober
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