Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
