you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
