It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
