Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
