i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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