Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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