I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just threw up on my dentist
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
