You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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