I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
