Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
