Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
