i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
this beer tastes like vomit already
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
