You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize