I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
