I heard we made out
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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