There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Found your dick twin last night
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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