i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize