So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
