let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
