At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
