I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
