dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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