Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
