I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
