ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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