You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
