did you get engaged???
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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