my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My legs feel like baby dolphins
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
