totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
jump out the window naked night went bad
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