I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
