She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
