You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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