I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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